This night from heart attack mother's civil husband died.

This death of a man I hardly knew would affect my fate more deeply I even could imagine.

Mother never loved me, but I used to this sort of love. I was a child of two persons: a dark and a light ones. The light is dead more than twenty years. The dark tried at once to become my love. I could forgive mother and I allowed her living with me.

These five years of darkness were the most hard in all my life. I got accustomed to mother's mental insanity, to her wild mental attacks, to her screaming, to her permanent abasement. She drunk my soul's blood. Firstly I tried standing up to her, but in this way began to suffer my daughter. I adapted myself for everything though it costed me the lot of troubles.

I strove to be a good daughter, from the other side I saw that I go down to the darkness, and I had no more power to resist. I found a guide in the darkness: the spider, who led me to the light. Mother always were angry when I was in a good mood, when I was happy and when I had relations with men. And I humbled myself for the peace in my home.

Suddenly the darkness dispersed, but I needed time learning to live again in the light. The results turned out brilliant. But that feeling of happyness did not last long - one day - between the resolved situation with sewer system and the death's report. In some weeks mother will come back and things will fall into place. And mother will play with my mercy again.

Darkness is beeing returned...

How Can I Go On